Happy Tree Friends with Dialogue
by coolness11223
Summary: Decided it might be fun to rewrite Happy Tree Friends episodes and see what if they had dialogue.
1. Spin Fun Knowin' Ya!

The very first episode of the series begins with a light blue moose named Lumpy spinning a merry-go-round with three cute creatures on it: a yellow rabbit named Cuddles, a pink chipmunk named Giggles, and a mauve beaver named Toothy.

Giggles: Weee! Haha!

Toothy: Hahaha!

Cuddles: Faster! Faster! Go faster!

Lumpy: Huh? Okay.

Lumpy begins to do so with his eyes closed, which enthralls the three kids.

Cuddles: Wooo-hoo! Yeah!

Giggles: (Laughs)

Toothy: (Laughs) (Suddenly, Toothy loses his grip and flies off.) Whoa!

Giggles: Huh?

Causing him to fly right into a tree, embedding his buckteeth into it and breaking his back. His body then slides down the tree. Giggles then realizes that they are moving too fast, so she hugs her pole she is holding onto, hoping she will not fly off.

Giggles: (Through gritted teeth) Lumpy…! Stop…! It's too fast…! (Suddenly, the bar she is holding onto breaks off.) Uh-oh!

Sending her flying away. She flies right onto a tree stump, cutting her body in half completely, and the pole she was holding onto impales her chest. Cuddles screams and hangs onto his pole for dear life, trying to not fly away like his fellow friends.

Cuddles: LUMPY! STOP! I DON'T WANT TO DIE! (Sadly, the force is too much for Cuddles, as his hands rip off from his body.) MY HANDS!

This hurls him into the right engine of a parked plane, shredding him to bits. Meanwhile, Lumpy, oblivious to the fates of the children, continues to spin the merry-go-round until he stops when he runs out of breath. As the merry-go-round comes to a complete stop, Lumpy immediately notices Cuddles' severed hands still clutching onto the pole, and then realizes what has happened.

Lumpy: Huh? (Lumpy puts his hands in his "pockets", and walks away, trying to look innocent.) I didn't see anything, I don't know anything… (Whistles)

The episode ends with Cuddles' severed hands sliding down the pole, where they plop to the ground.

Moral: "Don't forget to floss!"


	2. House Warming

The episode starts with a blue skunk named Petunia watching Handy, an orange construction beaver with ironically no hands, build something for her.

Petunia: Oh, wow! Yeah!

After he finishes building the present, it is revealed that it is a brand new treehouse gifted just for her.

Handy: Phew. All finished.

Happy, Petunia hugs Handy in gratitude.

Petunia: Oh, thank you, Handy-kins.

Handy: Heh, any time, Petunia.

And bids farewell just as she goes to play in her treehouse.

Petunia: Bye-Bye.

Happy and content, Handy turns around to leave.

Handy (Nodding) Hm-hm. Job well do— (But at that exact moment, the treehouse catches on fire, grabbing his attention and making him scream in sheer horror.) Huh?! Oh my god!

Petunia, inside the burning tree house, screams for help.

Petunia: Handy! Help! Help me! Save me!

Handy: Oh god! Jump! I'll catch you! (Petunia does so, but due to Handy's lack of hands, he fails to catch Petunia, who is now burning crazily.) Crap!

Petunia: I'M ON FIRE! I'M BURNING! OH GOD, IT HURTS!

Handy has to act quickly to save her but then sees a fire hydrant nearby.

Handy: Oh god, oh god, oh god! Aha! (He attempts to use it, but realizing he has no hands, gives of a scowl to the camera.) Goddamnit! (Handy looks back.) There's gotta be SOMETHING I can—Ah! (And notices a bucket nearby.) A bucket of water!

He runs up to the bucket and gives it a hard kick. Unfortunately, this causes the fire to worsen, causing Petunia to scream even louder.

Petunia: OH GOD!

Handy: How did…? (A blackened Handy sees the fire symbol on the bucket that he just kicked over.) Why was there a bucket of petroleum just lying around!? (Looks to Petunia) What do I do?! What do I do?! …There's only one thing TO do… (With Petunia still burning to death and Handy out of ideas, the latter resorts to one last tactic: stomping the fire out.) Forgive me, Petunia! (Handy, with his big worker boots, begins to stomp on Petunia, furthering her injuries, but at least putting the fire out.) (Pants) Phew, finally out…

Petunia, now a blackened and bloody mush, weakly raises her arm and gives an "Okay" signal while giggling weakly for some reason.

Petunia (Weakly) …I'm okay… …Thank you, Handy…

Moral: "Smiles are always free!"


	3. Helping Helps

The episode begins with Giggles happily walking through the forest, with an unexplained injured leg, and accompanied by a pair of slow crutches.

Giggles: I'm not going to let a broken leg keep me from enjoying nature.

Suddenly, a water dam behind her breaks, and water is seen rushing towards her. Giggles starts screaming.

Giggles (Turning around): Huh? Ahhhh! The dam broke! (And then the newest Happy Tree Friend, Splendid, a superhero flying squirrel, hears her screams.) HELP!

Splendid: Hmm? Gadzooks! A cry for help! (He puts down the acorn he was eating.) This looks like a job for Splendid! (And immediately zooms off to save her.) Away!

We cut back to Giggles, who is seen desperately trying to outrun the tsunami of water.

Giggles: Gotta run! Gotta run! Gotta run!

Splendid tries in vain to reach Giggles in time.

Splendid: I have to get there on time!

Back with Giggles

Giggles: Gotta run! Gotta run! Gotta run! Gotta—(With all hope lost and the tsunami reaching her, a tear runs down Giggles' eye as her death is just mere seconds away.) Goodbye, cruel world… (But at the last second, Splendid swoops in and snatches Giggles just before the water crashes down. Having been saved, Giggles begins cheering over her victory, satisfying Splendid.) Splendid! You saved me!

Unfortunately, Splendid flies too close to a tree, and a protruding branch beheads Giggles. With blood spewing out of Giggles' dead body.

Splendid: Hm hm hm, all in a day's work, citizen! (Sees what's happened to Giggles) Huh? GOOD HEAVENS! (Splendid begins panicking.) What have I done?! What do I do?! (When Splendid spots an acorn lying next to a tree, he gets an idea.) Aha! This will do!

He picks up the acorn and rings the doorbell to Giggles' house. The person who opens the door is Giggles' mother, who is seen crying at the supposed death of her daughter from the tsunami.

Giggles' mom: Oh, my dear, sweet Giggles… what if she was washed away…? (When she opens her eyes after drying them off) Y-Yes…?

Splendid: Fret not, ma'am, I have brought your daughter back to you, safe and sound.

She's suddenly surprised and joyful. Splendid then shows the distraught mother Giggles' dead body with the acorn he found earlier on the neck. On the acorn is a poorly drawn face, representing Giggles' face. The mother, not noticing anything, picks up the Giggles' dead body and hugs it.

Giggles' Mom: Giggles! Oh, my sweet, baby girl! Thank goodness!

Splendid: Now that I have done my duty, I must now depart until I am needed again! Away!

Splendid then gives a salute to a job well done. Splendid flies off.

Giggles' mom (With her eyes closed): Thank you, Splendid, bye-bye! (And Giggles' "head" falls off splattering blood on the mother, still unaware of her daughter's death.) Isn't he just the bravest, Giggles?

Moral: "Don't forget to stop and smell the roses!"


	4. Crazy Ant-ics

Our new brainy Happy Tree Friend anteater, Sniffles is seen walking along in the forest, thinking of some math equations.

Sniffles: Hmm, E= MC—(Sniffles then comes upon an anthill.) Oh? An anthill. Hmm, I could go for a snack.

Fascinated, Sniffles slithers his tongue through the pathway. At the very bottom of the anthill, there's a whole family of ants praying for dinner.

Ant Family: We thank you for the meal we are about to—

When suddenly, Sniffles' tongue crashes the party.

Ant Kids: Ahhhhh!

Baby Ant: A giant tongue!

Mother Ant: We're under attack!

Back up above.

Sniffles (With tongue out): Ah, I think I've found the little morsels. (Though satisfied that he found the ants, he notices something going horribly wrong.) Uh, what's that poking feeling?

It turns out the Ants have hammered Sniffles' tongue down, trapping him.

Brother Ant: Take this, you ant-eating monster!

Sniffles: Oh god, that hurts! (Sniffles tries to pull his tongue out, but it is useless.) I can't get free!

The Sister Ant can be seen scratching Sniffles' tongue away with a cheese grater.

Sister Ant: Go away, monster! Go away!

And the Brother Ant squeezes lemon juice on the shaved tongue.

Brother Ant: This should fix him!

Sniffles: Oh god! I don't know what those ants are doing, but it burns! (Sniffles still tries to yank his tongue out, but to no avail.) Let go! Let go!

As the Mother Ant uses an electric saw to saw away Sniffles' tongue.

Mother Ant: Take this!

Baby Ant (With a container of gasoline): I'll finish this.

Back above.

Sniffles: Oh god! This is so painful! Make it stop! (The Baby Ant runs up Sniffles' tongue, carrying a container of gasoline, and leaving a trail. As Sniffles pulls on his ears in pain, the Baby Ant arrives at the top and tosses the container of gas into poor Sniffles' mouth, and jumps away.) (Gag) Something just flew into my mouth! And it tastes like… Gasoline?!

Baby Ant: Now, mommy! Light it up!

The Mother Ant finishes Sniffles off by using a match to ignite the gas, which rapidly rides up Sniffles' tongue.

Mother Ant: Burn, you beast!

Sniffles: NOOOOOOOOO!

And then when the flame reaches Sniffles' face, his whole upper body explodes, scattering his body all over the place. The episode ends with the Baby Ant popping out of the anthill, shouting and cheering in triumph.

Baby Ant: We have slain the beast! We won!

Moral: "Buckle up for safety!"


	5. Havin' A Ball

The episode begins with the new father and son Happy Tree Friends Pop and Cub playing catch with a big red and yellow ball.

Cub: Yay!

Pop: Catch, son. (Tosses the ball, Cub catches it) Good catch.

Cub: Catch, daddy. (He tosses, Pop catches it. Laughs. Unfortunately, Pop throws a little too hard and the ball bounces off Cub's head.) Oh. Awww.

Sending the ball to land right next to a tree behind Cub.

Pop: Looks like it landed… Huh?

Cub: Huh?

But it is revealed that the ball landed on the opposite side of a freeway, with speeding vehicles in their path. Pop nervously tugs the collar on his robe.

Pop: Er, don't worry, son. I'll…get your ball back. (To himself) The things I do to make Cub happy…

And, not wanting to disappoint Cub, has no choice but to cross the road and fight the traffic to retrieve the ball. The same time Pop leaves the scene, a medical helicopter flies behind Cub.

Cub: Yay!

Over the background, the sound of vehicles crashing and Pop screaming can be heard.

Pop: Ow! Argh! Oh god! AAAAAGH! (Pop barely makes it across the road, with a skidmark over his face, and a steering wheel lodged in his right arm.) (Pants) I'm amazed I'm still alive… Oh, thank god… (Though severely injured, Pop successfully retrieves the ball, to his relief.) Ah! And I got Cub's ball. Now, I just gotta get back to—(Unfortunately, when Pop takes one step forward, he suddenly begins falling down a cliff.) Oh no… AAAAAAAAAAAAH! (As he falls, Pop notices a medical helicopter with Lumpy in the gurney is just beneath him.) Huh? (Realizing this, Pop begins screaming.) NOOOOOOOOO!

As he gets sliced and shredded apart by the helicopter's rotor blades. Pop's sliced up remains stack up in a neat pile, and the ball lands right next to his remains and hat in a puddle of blood. Cub, who successfully climbed down the cliff with the help of some rock climbing equipment, retrieves his ball.

Cub: Good thing I bowwowed daddy's climbing equipment. Oh, THERE'S my ball. (Runs over and picks it up, apparently not noticing his dad's remains) I was afwaid I'd lost—

But the instant he grabs it, the gurney Lumpy was on disconnects from the helicopter, and lands on top of Cub, crushing his entire body.

Lumpy: Oof! That was scary… (Lumpy, looking up and noticing something) Huh? (Tries in vain to move, but only succeeds in moving only a few inches.) Oh no. No-no-no. Nononononono! NONONONONONON—

The helicopter (for unknown reasons) loses control, and slams on to the ground, crushing Lumpy, and the ball remains untouched. Just before the episode ends, as a final decoration, Cub's beanie lands on top of the ball.

Moral: "Eat your Veggies!"


	6. Water You Wading For?

The episode begins with Cuddles jumping into a small pond, apparently having a relaxing swim.

Cuddles: Cannonball! (Humming while doing the backstroke. Cuddles tries to encourage the new Happy Tree Friend porcupine, Flaky to jump in.) C'mon, Flaky! The water's fine!

Flaky: Uh, I'm not going, Cuddles… (Points to a "No Swimming" sign.) The sign says "no swimming"…

Despite this, Cuddles still encourages Flaky to jump in. But Cuddles will soon learn there's a reason why the sign is there.

Cuddles: Don't be such a wet blanket. Just jump i—(After Cuddles encourages Flaky to jump in again, bubbles start to form around him.) Huh? (Suddenly, a bunch of vicious piranhas jump out of the water and start attacking Cuddles.) AAAH! Piranhas!

Flaky stands in shock, frantically looking around while trying to find a way to help her friend.

Flaky: Oh god! What do I do? What do I do?!

Next, Cuddles starts getting tossed around like a beach ball by a couple of sea lions.

Cuddles: These! Sea lions! Are! Jerks!

Flaky attempts to help, but she doesn't do very well, as she tries to reach Cuddles with a short stick.

Flaky: Maybe I can reach him with this stick. (From a faraway tree.) From over here. Where it's safe.

One of the sea lions tosses Cuddles back on land, who is now slightly battered up.

Cuddles: Oh, my aching every—(Before Cuddles gets the chance to do anything) Huh? (An alligator pops out and chomps on Cuddles. The alligator resurfaces and Cuddles struggles in vain to keep its jaw open.) AHH! NO! DON'T EAT ME! I'M ALL STRINGY!

Flaky: Hold on! I have an idea!

She runs off. Cuddles, now missing the lower half of his body and brutally injured, starts crawling away.

Cuddles: Oh god… I lost my legs… But at least I'm alive… (But before he can go far enough) Huh? (A giant whale pops out.) No…

And lands on top of Cuddles, crushing and killing him in a pile of blood and body parts. Flaky, who now holds a life preserver with a rope, throws it onto Cuddles' crushed remains. Realizing that she was too late to save her desperate friend, Flaky starts pulling back the life preserver while laughing nervously to the audience.

Flaky: Aha ha ha ha, hahaha… He…He's dead… Hahaha…haha…(Episode irises in) Fuck my life…

Moral: "Don't breathe underwater!"


	7. Nuttin' Wrong with Candy

The episode begins with our newest Happy Tree Friend, the candy-loving, sugar-addicted squirrel Nutty eating the candy all over his body.

Nutty: (Smacks lips) Mmm, Fashionable AND flavorful, haha!

He rips off a lollipop stuck to his head and consumes it in one bite. Upon tasting the sweetness within, Nutty gets all hyperactive and begins shaking around in excitement.

Nutty: (Laughs hyperactively) Sosweetandtasty! Sogoodsogood!

Because of his vibrations, the other pieces of candy stuck to him fall off, and Nutty immediately becomes disappointed.

Nutty: Aw… Now I can't eat the rest, it's been on the ground…

By sheer coincidence, a vending machine with candy bars happens to be nearby.

Nutty: Huh?

Nutty goes over to the vending machine.

Nutty: Ah! A vending machine!

And upon seeing all the delicious treats inside.

Nutty: What're the odds, am I right?

Digs through his pocket pulled out a coin and insert it into the machine. As Nutty anxiously watches the candy bar he wants slowly move forward.

Nutty: C'mon, you sugary beauty.

The candy bar flops over, but it appears to be stuck.

Nutty: Huh? Aw, it's stuck…

Nutty's disappointment quickly turns to anger.

Nutty: Well, I'm not gonna let THAT stop me!

And forcefully slides his arm into the slot to pull out his treat.

Nutty: C'mon…. C'mon… just a little more…

Nutty grabs a hold of the candy bar and starts to pull.

Nutty: Got it!

But it won't budge.

Nutty: Huh?

He pulls harder.

Nutty: C'mon, you tasty delight! You're going in my mouth whether you want to or not! Come ON!

Only to have his arm rip off!

Nutty: AAAAAH! MY ARM CAME OFF!

After looking at his severed arm and the candy bar he desperately wants.

Nutty: Ah! I'm-I'm bleeding pretty badly! But…uh…

He begins to rock the machine back and forth while foaming at the mouth.

Nutty: GIVE ME THAT CANDY BAR! C'mon man, I need my sugar fix!

Nutty's movements make the vending machine fall forward.

Nutty: Huh? Uh-oh.

Trapping him inside. With Nutty trapped in the vending machine.

Nutty: (Mouth full) Well, that coulda gone better. Huh?

He ignores the glass embedded in his face and focuses on one of the candy bars that are now in his mouth.

Nutty: Finally… delicious, sugary, chocolaty goodness!

Before he can enjoy his little treat, however, the coils activate and edge closer to him.

Nutty: Huh? Oh no, no, NO, NOOOOOOOOOOO!

All Nutty can do is scream as he is ripped apart by the coils, with blood pouring out of the machine.

Moral: "Wash behind your ears!"


End file.
